Weight Gain
by Lord of the Squirrels
Summary: Okay!! Johnny gains 10 lbs. Count em!!! 10!! Yes 10!! Read this if you read any of my other stories!!!!


Author's note: Okay! To all you who have read the Happy Noodle Boy stories I wrote  
I just want to apologize about the lack of cussing. I have other people who read them and they aren't so fond of cussing. Okay! With that's settled, ON WITH THE SHOW!  
  
Rating: I dunno maybe PG-13 or R. It depends!!  
  
Summary: Johnny gains ten pounds! What will he do?! Oh, GOD! It's just ten pounds. I like exclamation points!! :)  
  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Johnny just got dun using the john (Tee hee!!) and he saw the scale.   
"Oh what the hell. It'll still say the same weight," he said to himself and got on it. But to his horrendous horror, the scale read 125 lbs!! Eeeeeek! (original weight was 115 lbs. to all of those who don't know)  
"What the fuck is this?! I gained ten pounds! How the fuck can that be?! I don't even eat!!!" He jumps off and waits for a few seconds, then he jumped back on. It still said 125 lbs. No! This time it said 127 lbs!!!  
"Aaaaaahhhhhh! I...must...run laps...NO!! I will kill somebody!! That'll help reduce the weight. Yeah!" So he grabs his trusty knife and runs out of the house to find a victim.  
As he walks downtown, thoughts of self-consciousness run through his head. 'Oh man, what if everyone is laughing at me?! What if they're saying my ass is huge?! Wait! Even worse! What if I run into that faggot Richard Simmons?!' All these thoughts make him scream. "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! I'm not fat!!!!"  
People around him look at him with a funny look. Then these two cheerleaders walk by talking and laughing. "...and the funny thing was, he had a butt the size of a compact car! Ha ha ha ha ha!!"  
"He seriously needs to cut down the Twinkies!! Hee hee!"  
Johnny heard this and got pissed. "Bitches! I don't even eat Twinkies!!" He lunged for them and he sliced their necks in one swift move. "Oh GOD!! There's blood all over my new crop top!!" one of them screamed before she dies.  
In the back of his mind Johnny's hoping that that took off a pound or two. While all the people around him are screaming and vomiting, Johnny runs off to find another victim.  
As he walks through the alley, he hears a voice behind him. "Hey, lard ass!" Johnny turns around, "Yeah, you! Give me your fucking wallet!!" Johnny sees that the dude is carrying a gun. Being called "lard ass" made him snap. Again!! (The real truth is they were talking to the other dude in the alley. And he was huge. :)  
Johnny runs towards the dude and shoves the knife into his groin. "Aaaaahhhhhhhh!" He then shoves it up more, "I wasn't even talking to you!!!!" With a final twist, the blood pours out and the dude falls to the ground dead, yet twitchy.  
"Oh please let that be a couple more pounds," he begs to himself. He walks out of the alley and up the street. Up ahead he sees a ice cream vendor handing out ice cream to a couple of kids. (Also behind him was a little kid who looked like he weighed 250 lbs.) As he walks past him the vendor says, "Hey, young man! Do you want our low fat, low calorie, low sugar, low taste yogurt? 'Cause you look like you seriously need it."(The last part was said in a low sarcastical way)   
"I LOOK LIKE I NEED YOUR SHITTY YOGURT!? I AM NOT A LARD ASS!!!!" Johnny grabs the vendor's neck and tears out his esophagus (big word) while screaming "I'm not a lard ass! I'm not a lard ass!" Then he tosses the body into the street where it gets run over by a semi. Johnny is panting and out of breath. Then his eyes light up in hopes that took off more than a few pounds. He runs back towards home but on the way he sees an *e-lec-tro-nic* scale and out of anxiety and no patience he hops on it. His eyes are wide with hope and suspense of what is about to show up on the little red screen.   
Beep!  
"Holy Christ!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"   
  
END  
  
***(Jonny now weighs 99 lbs. and also his scale at home was screwed up due to the rats peeing on it.) :P  
  
  
Okeedokeee! Review me!! Please!!! I must know the secrets of your thoughts of what you thought of my thoughts for my number 3 story!!! Thank you and good day. :) TIP YOUR WAITRESS!! 


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